Research-Based Couples Therapy in California
As a couple, you may be feeling stuck or disconnected from each other right now. Maybe you’ve been having the same arguments over and over without making any progress, or noticed your conflicts have escalated recently.
Maybe you or your partner recently started learning about how neurodiversity is impacting your relationship. You might even have tried couples therapy before and didn’t get the changes you wanted.
The good news is, if you’re in a difficult place with your relationship, you don’t have to stay there.
In couples therapy with me, you will examine what you each really want and need, and discover new ways to define who you are in relation to one another. We’ll also go even deeper, and look at some of the dreams and beliefs that might be underneath some of these wants and needs.
The truth is, all couples have conflicts. What makes a relationship sustainable is not whether or not there is conflict, but how a couple deals with it. Couples who work with me learn to understand what’s going on underneath the conflict AND learn tools to handle conflict in the moment.
Both of you need to feel heard and validated for couples therapy to be effective. Even when we talk about difficult topics, the focus will be on improving your connection, not on blaming or pointing fingers.
Couples therapy can help you to build skills that will benefit you, no matter what relationship you are in – at work, at home, with your partner, or even your children or family. Please get in touch to learn more.
What Makes Gottman Couples Therapy Different
As you probably know, There are many different styles and approaches to couples therapy.
I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist providing counseling for couples in California. I’m also a Certified Gottman Therapist, which means I have advanced training and expertise in the Gottman Method of Couples therapy. The Gottman Method is research-based approach to helping couples repair their relationships by providing practical strategies to address relationship issues.
Some clients have described working with me as having a couples therapist who is also a relationship coach. Basically, that means we’ll focus on gaining a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamics, while also giving you practical strategies that you can use right away.
Unhappy couples wait an average of six years before seeking help, according to research by John Gottman. Maybe they fear that couples therapy won’t work, or they’ve gradually let the relationship erode and don’t know what to do about it. The good news is that it’s not too late - couples therapy may be able to help you, no matter where your relationship is right now.
As we all know, you can't change your partner. What you CAN do, though, is learn to make artful and intentional requests for what you want in the relationship (something the Gottman method refers to as “bids”).
In our sessions together, one of the foundational things we’ll work on is learning how to make and respond to requests from each other, so that you’re each able to ask for (and get) what you want from your relationship and each other.
If this style of data-driven support appeals to you, you can reach out to me for more information.
Neurodivergence Matters in Couples Therapy
In addition to my Gottman Certification, I have experience and specialized training in working with neurodivergent couples.
This includes (but is not limited to) couples where one or both partners:
has been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, Asperger's Syndrome, or ADD/ADHD
identifies as highly sensitive, gifted or neurodiverse
simply feels that they don’t quite fit in with the world in which they live.
As a neurodivergent couple, your dynamics can be different from those of a neurotypical couple, and you may find that some “standard” approaches simply don’t seem to work.
What can work is couples therapy that’s specifically tuned in to some of the unique challenges of your relationship.
A lot of couples who work with me say that previous couples therapy wasn’t successful for them. They felt like the therapist didn't really understand one of them or their dynamics, often related to neurodiversity.
If you feel neurodiversity is impacting your relationship, we’ll address it directly and honestly, without blame. I’ll also provide resources and tools that can support both of you, and that you can use right away.
If this sounds like a good fit for you, send me a message. (And if you don’t identify as neurodivergent, we can still work together.)